Category Archives: Spirituality

Minted values

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In 1999 the US Mint launched the 50 State Quarters Program.  My daughter was eight.  Something about having a young child and the excitement of a new look to our old quarters got me to start saving the different states.

state quartersAfter several years, when I started shopping for a case to put my “daughter’s” collection in, I came to my senses.

My daughter is blessed with a complete disinterest in material things.  The special collectible coins meant nothing to her.  When she was eight she did not place inherent value on things for sentimental reasons.  It was actually quite refreshing.  Such a value, must be a learned behavior and I had failed to impart it.

If I was going to get a case, I would need to get my daughter to buy into the idea.  But, why would I do that?  I took a moment and moved my mind forward fifty years.  I imagined the entire coin collection in the future and its value.  It wasn’t hard to do.  I had coins that my parents and grandparents had given me.  They were simply a burden.  Something that I had to lug around every time I moved.

Why did I hang onto them?  They were valuable – that is what my relatives had told me.  In truth they were not worth very much at all.  The reality is that my relatives had passed them on to me and I was carrying them in order to pass them onto the next generation.  It is as if they had passed their values and hopes onto me and I had mindlessly accepted their burden.

There are countless values and beliefs that my relatives passed on to me.  Some have had more damaging effects than the value of collectable coins.  When I confronted myself, I found I really didn’t think saving coins was a worthwhile activity.  I was merely holding that value as a way to honor my grandparents.

What I have found invaluable is to constantly question my motives for acting.  It is amazing how much lighter I am now that I am getting rid of other people’s values and my habitual ways of acting.  I am able to honor my grandparents without carrying their values, beliefs or things.

Those quarters are long gone.  I stopped even looking at the new states as they came out.  I no longer had a motive to spend my energy that way.  My personal insight had set me free of an activity that did not really serve me.

 

 

Quiet Storm

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Yesterday, my post from Saturday, The Coolest Place in Town, went “viral” within the library system.  Apparently, the Monday morning IT people at the library noticed my link to their website.  Forty-four people visited that page, mostly referred from what appears to be the Library intra-net.  I was pleased to think about the attention it was getting and also appreciated the experience of having a page “discovered”.  I enjoy examples of our interconnectedness.

There is also part of me that is anxious about the activity.  Forty-four visits and not one comment.  I’ve filled that empty space with worse case scenario thoughts.  Perhaps the powers that be didn’t like the information I shared.  Perhaps the people mentioned in the post have been fired!  If I go to the library on Wednesday, will the people look at me weird.

I don’t take my thoughts seriously, but the anxiety I feel is no different from someone slowly burning me with a cigarette.  It hurts. Even the thoughts are somewhat of a burden.  They are always there.  Even when I am conscious and in the moment, I can feel a part of my mind thinking doomsday thoughts.  I laugh to keep from crying.  This thing we call a mind seems completely unmanageable.

In Buddhism the process of just being with unpleasant things that arise from within is called purification.  The idea is that if when things come up we view them from a neutral standpoint and do not react to them that they will eventually wear out and be gone.   A Buddhist tenant is that anxiety is not limitless, but finite.  Each time I don’t react a part of my anxiety is permanently extinguished.

My practice is to be anxious when anxiety arises. I also have to be watchful not to act from anxiety.  When anxiety is arising I have a great tendency to want to control situations.  And my tendency to want to control situations makes me want to shout at people that do not perform like I want.  Instead, I take a deep breath and “be” with the part of me that is anxious.

Neighborhood Flow

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We had a few Easterly clouds this morning that kept the sun at bay for an extra hour and gave me an opportunity to satisfy my dog’s request for a morning walk.  She is not much of a walker, but she takes great joy in smelling things and hunting for stray pieces of partially eaten food.  We typically go over to the Family Services Center that borders our backyard.  They have a nice large parking lot and sometimes I let her roam off leash.

Today was one of those days.  I wanted to do my Tai Chi, so I let her run off and explore.  As it was Sunday, the usual homeless crowd was inhabiting the parking lot and eaves of the buildings.  Lots of people still sleeping, but a few up and milling around.

Sunnyslope Family Service Center Hatcher RoadI found a nice central location in the parking lot and began the Tai Chi form.  About five minutes into my form,  I noticed a tall woman in a sleeveless peach dress watching me.  Then, as she gracefully began to mimic my moves I could feel our connection.  She was stunning.  She was completely in the flow and beaming.  It was a beautiful moment.

I could feel my chronic anxiety as a tightness in my chest and abdomen.  She had none of that.  She seemed completely uninhibited.  And when I looked at her I could feel her flow.  It was like I was flowing.  She was just dancing with joy.  And I was connected to that.

I know this woman.  Although I don’t know her name.  She lives in my neighborhood.  The first time I saw her she was in the middle of the street in front of my house shouting at the house across the street.  It seemed like everyday for a week she would scream at the guy across the street and sometimes he would shout back at her.

I couldn’t figure why she chose to go by his house everyday when there were alternate routes to the bus stop and she seemed to dislike him so.  After a couple days I realized there was some dispute about missing property.  I also realized that she was getting some pay-off from the shouting matches.  They weren’t completely unpleasant for her.

Then, two weeks later I saw the same woman entering that guy’s house as if they were best of friends.  I marveled at the sight.  The actions of people are one of the mysteries of life.

This woman was just in the flow.  Whatever popped up she just went with it.  If it was anger, she was angry.  If it was Tai Chi, she was a zen master.  I imagined her moods could flip quickly and that she was unpredictable.

It seemed like she was just being, especially when compared to me.  I wonder how “enlightened being” is different from the state of just being she was in.

First enlightenment is characterized by no unpleasant emotions.  For me, being angry is an unpleasant experience.  I always assumed that enlightenment would mean the end of anger.  Hmmmm…. But for my friend it seemed like she might have found it pleasant.  Perhaps enlightenment could be getting angry and having it be joyful!  hahaha

No, I doubt that is the case.  Wisdom eliminates anger since it stops making any sense when you have the direct experience of how things are.  My friend is “being” in an unconscious sort of way.  It is awareness and consciousness that allows us to become fully liberated.  My friend is just a slave to her subconscious.