Speed Dating – After

speeddate1Speed dating was fun. Although I have to admit it did leave my head swirling:  Fourteen guys, eight minutes each – no break in between.  The pace was too fast for me to learn if my body thought any of them would be nice to hang around with.  I wanted to spend a little time sitting quietly and looking into their eyes, but no time for that.

Outcome?  My mind is interested in spending more time with six of the dates.  Now I wait to see if anyone is interested in a second date with me.  I wouldn’t be too surprised if I strike out since, truth be known, the event was for ages 32 to 49 and I am a couple of years out of that range.

How good were my matches?  Well, I was quite surprised to learn that one person had just finished a ten day Vipassana retreat and another spends about two hours a day with meditation and pranayama.  There was also a guy that owns a martial arts studio and another was a mental health counselor.  Hey, maybe I am mainstream after all.  Plenty of matches.

Can hardly wait for the next one.  September 12.  This time I’m in the age range legitimately:  42 to 59.

PS:  Three matches have indicated interest in a second date!

Speed Dating – Before

Tonight I plan to attend my first speed dating event.  As I mentioned in Deconditioning Ground, I started using social networking sites like Meet-Up to expand my contacts with potential partners.  I first bumped into speed dating on such a networking site.  However, at the time, I was working on the nights the events were held.

Since I left my spa position in May, I am now free to explore the world of speed dating.  It is interesting to note that I am no longer that interested in finding a relationship.  So why speed dating?  Well, I am curious about who I am now.  My primary objective is to observe my reactions and to see if I can connect with people as they are.  I am truly interested in experiencing different people.  Kind of like going to the zoo.

I have always been weird.  Indeed, in the past when I was looking for a match, I could not have imagined finding someone that would be like me and my culture at a professional speed dating event.  And now, I’ve gotten so weird that I suspect I may have outgrown even the idea of conventional relationships.

I am curious about the separation I’ve created by labeling myself “weird”.  In my weirdness I’ve made a lot of “normal” people uninteresting and undesirable.  These are both judgments.  They also feel very comfortable.  I simply avoid spending time with “regular” people.  Of course, now that I am really weird, that includes most everybody.

As I mentioned in the book, I am really focusing on finding out what is beyond judgment.  I am curious what I will discover about myself if I put myself in a situation where I am asked to judge someone during a five minute date.  How can I decide if I like them enough to be willing to do a second date?  What would my criteria be?  If I am living without focusing on an outcome what would my criteria be?  How about:

  • Would it be fun?
  • Does my body want to be touched by this person?
  • Would it be nurturing?
  • Would it be interesting?
  • Do I get a “yes” for no particular reason?


What other preparation have I done for the event?
I’ve been reading all the articles on speed dating:  what to wear, what not to wear, what to do, what not to do, what questions to ask, what questions not to ask.  I have exchanged pictures and texts with my “fashion consultant”: Really, that much cleavage is okay?  Can I wear the red heels or would the black be better?  Pants or a skirt?  Nylons?

The preparation is great fun. I’m all set and ready to go. Black top that a woman in Denmark loaned me for salsa dancing and then insisted I take it home with me.  Black skirt, and red heels.  That’s it for the clothes.  Pretty simple.  Although, I am wondering where I “hid” all the jewelry I never wear.  Some earrings might be nice.  Perhaps, they will still show up….

Stay tuned for the follow up report.


What if the universe has more for you?

copper US penny I’ve talked to a couple of people lately with similar stories.  They are in situations where they are holding onto work, relationships, ideas and/or situations that are not quite working for them.  While their decisions may be completely appropriate it reminds me of a story I heard years ago.

The woman that told the story talked about how she used to be in a relationship with a man that was using drugs and alcohol. He would be mean to her and she thought he might be having sex with other women.  When he was out, she spent a lot of time begging God to bring him home safely to her.  She desperately wanted to keep him as her husband and would ask God over and over for that.  silver sunshine minting mexican silver us dimes

She explained the situation like this:  I was begging God for a penny.  All I could see was the penny and I was desperate for it.  But God had a $100 in his other hand that he wanted to give me.  I kept asking for the penny.  Until I was willing to admit the penny was not enough, God could not give me the “big money”.

If you have a situation that isn’t ideal, even if you think it serves you, consider the possibility that the universe is encouraging you let go of that and take hold of even a better situation.  Why settle for less?  How are you rationalizing holding onto something that is not spectacular?

If you are thinking:  He/She is nice to be around sometimesConsider: What would it take to be with someone that is nice all the time? What if a better relationship is just waiting for me to acknowledge that I deserve more?  What if by staying with this person I am refusing the happiness that is available to me?

If you are thinking:  I have to keep this job or situation because I need the money.  Consider:  In what ways am I refusing the “big money” the universe wants to give me?  What if I refuse to sacrifice any part of me for money?  What if my views about what it takes to make money or get a job done are limited?

If you are thinking:  I am a a victim of this person’s actions, or some physical injury or limitation.  Consider:  How did I create this?  How does this serve me?  What do I know that I am pretending not to know or denying that I know?  What can I choose that will change this right away?

If you are thinking:  This is impossible to change.  Consider:  What else is possible?®  What would it take to change this?  How does this serve me?

When you ask the questions, do not look for an answer.  Simply be aware of the energy that arises.  These questions can often clear the unconsciousness that keeps us in situations that are no longer beneficial to us.  Asking questions, without coming to conclusions, is a powerful way to increase our awareness.

I have always lived in the question.  I am curious about what is truly motivating my actions.  I want to credit Access Consciousness for my recent expansion of using the “living in the question tool”.  I am offering free Intro to Access Bars talks on Sept 11, 2015 at 7pm and Sept 20, 2015 at 1pm if you would like to learn more.  See the Events calendar for details.


Notes:  What else is possible?® is a registered trademark of Access Consciousness.