GPS

Posted on June 4, 2015 by Dorena

I had an opportunity to use my phone’s navigation services for the first time during my trip to the Bay Area. I have always avoided using it, since I am not too keen on turning on my GPS and letting letting all my applilcations know my location. I think the part I liked about it most was that if I disagreed with the directions I could just go the way I wanted and it would “reroute” me.

It hit me, during a close call at missing a turn (really, that is how far 50ft is!?), how incredible the way it would recaluculate the directions was. This is a true contribution to world peace. The phone was completely non-judgmental. It would never waste time on criticism of missing a turn. And since I knew it would always get me back on track, I was relieved of all tension regarding getting lost. I could deviate as much as possible and the GPS would simply reroute me back to my stated destination. No more remorse. No more panic.

Bandstand at the Park at Lake Merritt – 2015

This morning while I did my morning practice on the bandstand at Lake Merritt I wondered about my next move in this game of life. On Sunday someone mentioned the idea of pivotal life decisions, like my decision to run away from home and drop out of high school when I was 15 years old. She pondered on what our lives would be like if we had not made certain pivotal decisions.

I wondered if there might actually be a master GPS involved. Perhaps when we are born we punch in our destinations and then away we go. Then it is only an illusion that certain decisions are pivotal. If one of my destinations was California and I decided not to leave Michigan when I was 15 then I might have been given another opportunity to do so at 16 or 18 or 26 years old.

In my desire for enlightenment I have both been encouraged and worried by this idea. First, I am encouraged that no matter what turn I take, the master GPS can reroute me to my final destination from my detour. However, I am also worried because I’m not sure I put enlightenment in the GPS. I run into so many people that claim satisfaction with things as they are and are not really interested in enlightenment. I used to be in this group, so maybe enlightenment is not in my GPS.

Time to reprogram.

Definitions

Posted on June 2, 2015 by Dorena

I was at the Harmony Center on Sunday chatting with people after the celebration. At one point, in the middle of a conversation regarding my recent degree in Addictions and Substance Use Disorders, I remarked, “Everything is an addiction”. One of my fellow conversationalists, Gerry, emphatically agreed.

Later, a group of us met for continued socializing at a local eating establishment. Gerry and I started talking about addiction again. This time I inquired about his definition of addiction. I wanted to be sure we were talking about the same thing. He told me that “addiciton is mistaken identity”.

I argued that this could not be a definition of addiction since it would mean that if I saw him at a distance and mistook him for Edward I would be an addict. In reflection, I can also discount this defintion by pointing out that many addicts, especially those trying to quit, do not mistake their drug of choice for anything but trouble, yet still the compulsion to use exists. I suggested he try again.

He made a couple more attempts to provide a definition of addiction that matched his understanding of the term and I shot those down in a similar fashion. Our ability to reach a mutual understanding of the term was not successful. Finally, Gerry remarked that back at the Harmony Center when we agreed that everything was addiction we seemed to have an effortless understanding and agreement.

Actually, based on Gerry’s definition of addiction, our supposed agreement was actually a misunderstanding. I believe he really did mean that everything is addiction, while I was refering to ubiquitousness of addiction. I’ve observed that most people have something that they turn to compuslively that prevents them from getting something else that they would claim is more important to them.

Despite the fact that I was arguing Gerry’s definition of addiction was invalid, it really is none of my business to tell someone their defintion is wrong. However, it is really hard to communicate with people that have redefined words. Since Gerry and I have different definitions of addiction, we cannot possibly talk about addiction since we use the same word to talk about different things. It would simply be too confusing.

Clear communication begins with a shared understanding of what terms mean. In the beginning, we sat around and decided what things would be called. For instance, we decided that the color red would be called red. Now sometimes you might run into someone that thinks an object you think is orange is actually red. You could argue your point and perhaps check the wavelength to see if it is red (620-750nm) or orange (590-620nm) or you could simply learn your friend has a different defintion of red.

I used to go to Twelve Step meetings and listen to people go on and on about God. I was baffled by the things they would say. Then I started asking them what they meant by “God”. They told me that God meant “nature” or “love” or “spirit”. Everyone had a different idea and none of them matched the dictionary. That is when I learned that “God” was a meaningless word.

This is one of the reasons I try to define the terms I use in this blog. I want to be able to communicate clearly with whoever is reading. Many terms in Buddhism have become commonplace, but the accurate definitions can be surprising. In addition, I do not make up defintions to suit me, I use defintions that I have learned from authorities.

Harbor Cafe

Posted on May 30, 2015 by Dorena

I worked at the Harbor Cafe on 7th avenue in Santa Cruz when I was an undergraduate. I was first hired when I was seventeen and quit just before I graduated from UCSC. It was a great place to work; it suited my personality quite well. I have a lot of fond memories. I spent most of my time as a waitress, but also filled in as a short-order cook, dishwasher, and hostess.

During my time at the Harbor Cafe, we got a batch of custom mugs with the Harbor Cafe logo on them. Although I don’t personally use coffee mugs, I kept a couple of them. Surprisingly enough they made every cut when I moved. So here it was thirty years later and I still had that vintage pair of mugs.

I could have just donated them to a thrift store, but instead I decided that they were a nice memento. I planned on dropping them off at the Harbor Cafe the next time I was in town. I imagined that the new owners of the Cafe would be delighted to get them.

I didn’t know how invested I was in that drop-off until yesterday. It was after hours, but my friend and host in Santa Cruz thought the Cafe was open for dinner now and since we were in the vicinity we could drop them off. The Cafe had tried to stay open for dinner before, but that venture had always failed. They were a famous breakfast spot and that was it.

When we swung by they were indeed closed, but the restaurant was packed with people for a wedding reception. I went in with my friend. The manager had just left, but the woman I approached pointed to one of the gentlemen manning the bar as a substitute.

I wasn’t really liking the situation, I wanted to give them to the manager or owner, but the whole point was to get rid of the mugs, right? I walked over to the bar and after waiting a few minutes handed the young man the two mugs. I explained that they were thirty years old – I had gotten them when I worked at the place in the 1980’s. He seemed pleased to receive them.

The exchange only took a minute. Then I was out the door and walking back to the car. I immediately felt remorse. Did he understand they weren’t for him, but the owner. Did he even hear what I said and would he remember it? Should I have left my card in case the owner had any questions.

I considered going back, but I recognized that my discomfort was based on attachment. Part of me was really clear that they were just two mugs that I was unloading. However, it took me until the next day to realize that another part of me was attached, not to the mugs, but to the connection I was anticipating with the owner. I had expected at least a moment of acknowledgement and appreciation. Since I never met the owner, and wasn’t even sure if the man I gave the mugs to knew they were for her and not him, I was very dissatisfied with the interaction.

In fact, I was mad. I watched as my anger rose. I kept reminding myself that it was just anger. It was just a habitual reaction. I didn’t try to repress it, but I didn’t give it any fuel either.

When I sat down to meditate the next morning, I had a good opportunity to watch the part of me that was angry. I was mad at my friend for taking me there after hours. I was mad that I didn’t decide to come back when I learned the manager was not there. I was mad that I didn’t give them to the woman I first talked to – since she was more available than the bar workers. My anger was focused on blaming everyone I could for the situation.

At one point in my meditation I was so furious I wanted to jump up and call the Cafe and ask the manager if she had gotten the mugs. That would certainly “fix” the problem. I’d get my connection and acknowledgement I craved.

However, I was fascinated with my rage. I kept investigating. Certainly this ran deeper than two mugs. I was angry that I couldn’t control the outcome. I couldn’t control the interaction. My fury was over not being in control. Yes, that is an anger that runs very deep.

This realization of what I was so angry about, then lead to an arising of sadness. I was still angry, but I could feel the sadness underneath. It is sad not to be able to control things. It was sad to not be able to make things right, by my vision of right. I acknowledged this to myself.

I asked myself if there was anything I could do to make it right. I decided I didn’t really want to call the manager. Indeed, my anger of the situation was dissipating. I could imagine the person I gave the mugs to thinking they were for him. I could imagine him taking them home, deciding they were ugly and throwing them away. As I write this now, less than 24 hours after the fact, there is no longer any charge at all. It is amazing how quick and fierce anger can arise and how quick it can dissipate.

I think a lot of times we get stuck on the story and loop around. We think that an external event is what creates our anger and our sadness. The truth is external events are just triggers for a conditioned response to a familiar situation. If we can dig a little deeper, we can connect with the cause. When we connect with the cause and clear the trigger the emotions clear and we know peace.

For me acknowledging what my issue was desire to control and accepting that I cannot control many situations resolved my tension. As Master Shantideva says,

If there is something you can do about it, why get upset?

If there is nothing you can do about it, why get upset?