Why you cannot be anything you want

I am scheduled to go into a six week retreat on July 15th.  Now, that I have most of my stuff in order for the retreat, I am asking myself about what I need to do to prepare for September – post retreat.  “Is there anything I need to do now, that would support the expansion I am intending for the fall?”

The first natural question is, “What do you want the expansion to look like?”  Pretty basic question, but I forget sometimes.  I tend to think about what is “possible” or what is possible for September 2015, instead of what would work for me long term.

Many years ago I did an intensive study on myself.  When I first introduced TELSI I wrote a little bit about this process.  Today, I got back out the results of my study, because I noticed something was not quite right about my visioning process.  Specifically, I was thinking about teaching ongoing internal arts development classes (chi gung, tai chi, etc.) and something about that wasn’t sitting right.  I have taught Chi Gung and internal arts practices before and would like to develop something new that integrates all the things I know.

One look at the summary of my skills and I can see that teaching ongoing classes is not going to keep my attention for long.  If I choose to do this, I will need to create something bigger or I will get bored.  And I am ready for something bigger.

Since, the personal study I did has been so valuable for me over the years, I want to share with you the tools that I used.  As I mentioned in the earlier post I used the book Zen and the Art of Making a Living to determine my mission statement:

I am here to live simply, enjoy life, reach my highest human potential and encourage (inspire) others to do the same.

When I did my initial study I also purchased too other books:  One was I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was and the other was Why You Can’t Be Anything You Want to Be.  I was intrigued by the opposite messages of the titles.

I actually found the second book to be the most helpful.  It walks you through a process of looking at the most satisfying events in your life (yes, they all can be from childhood) and analyzing them to discover the common elements.  The common elements help you formulate a “Motivational Ability Pattern” or MAP that can be used to determine if a job or career situation is a good match to your unique personality.  Here is mine:

I work best when I am presented with a problem or need in my fields of interest including alternative medicine, healing, transformative processes, personal recovery/growth, or spirituality. I like to look into the background of the situation by reading and/or observing and integrating/analyzing what I know so that I can organize the information to give to others or use systematically to solve the problem.  I like to physically accomplish the task using tools, equipment, computers and/or machines and create a presentation or document for others.  In order to feel satisfied I need to have accomplished my goal and produced something that creates ease in the lives of other people while maintaining respect for the overall ecosystem.  I like to work with support “authority” staff that is available to help me when I need it, otherwise allowing me to work independently.

A few years later I expanded my personal analysis by adding information from What Color Is Your Parachute?This book walks you through a process of determining:

  • favorite skills
  • favorite interests
  • geography (where do you want to live)
  • favorite types of people
  • how do you want to feel
  • favorite goals
  • favorite working environment
  • favorite values
  • preferred income and level of responsibility

 

For instance, my favorite skills are prioritized by my ability to do them and interest in doing them.  People that know me as a teacher or healer are often surprised when I tell them that those talents are not my strongest skills.  Indeed, teaching falls at number 4 and healing is at the bottom of the list at number 6.

  1. Organizing data or things – creating efficiency – creating systems – planning – optimizing systems
  2. Analyzing – solving problems –
  3. Researching – studying – learning new things
  4. Teaching – training – sharing what I’ve learned with others – writing procedures or informational documents – creating presentations
  5. Guiding – motivating – advising – supervising – leading others
  6. Healing – supporting transformation in others

 

As I plan for the fall, I need to keep in mind that I need to create a business that is big enough so I can organize, analyze, and research.  Currently I’ve managed to keep myself satisfied by using the income from teaching and healing to provide me with time to blog and write books.  Business development itself will keep my organizational and analytical parts satisfied.  I will develop a business where I can turn over teaching and healing components to others over time while I develop the cutting line and fresh classes.







Obsessive Thoughts

About 20 years ago I had a crush on a guy that wasn’t interested in me.  I was telling a friend and mentor about him and I mentioned that he had told me he wasn’t interested in getting involved with me.  She simply said, “Well, forget him.”

Her matter-of-fact statement really struck me.  I was thinking about him day and night and could not get him out of my mind.  I was “in love”, but didn’t want to be.  She said, “Forget him.” as if that was something I could do. There was no way in the world I could do that.  Her idea was unfathomable.

It made good sense to turn my mind away from him and occupy myself with other more fruitful prospects.  However, I couldn’t imagine what it would take to be able to do that.  I thought about the idea of being able to “forget him” and decided I would give “forgetting him” a try.

At the time there was a popular country song by Patty Loveless called “A Thousand Times A Day” playing on the radio.  The chorus went something like this:  Forgetting you is not so hard to do, I’ve done it a thousand times a day.  I purchased the song and every time I thought about that guy I played the song.

The first day I simply had it on auto repeat.  There was no other way.  Instead of thinking about him I was singing the song.  Over and over.  I was determined.

Now, that was 20 years ago.  I’m not sure when or how it happened, but somewhere along the line I did gain control over obsessive thoughts.  Now, I can simply, “forget him”.  I can turn my mind away from any line of thinking that is not productive, effortlessly.

This is on my mind today, because of my experience resolving my grief over Chispa.  While I miss her and frequently catch myself expecting her to be under my feet, I am not grieving anymore.  I miss her, like I would if she had simply moved away. Three days ago I would not have thought this possible.  Indeed, about nine years ago I gave my Jack Russel up for adoption and I cried hard every day for three months (until I had a ThetaHealing session that resolved it).  I was braced for the same experience with Chispa.

I work with others that sometimes are experiencing heavy grief and many times they are able to move quickly into peace with my facilitation.  I am grateful that I have tools to assist in resolving the subconscious contributors to protracted grief.  While my tools are useful, a big part of the process is wanting to have peace and deciding to do whatever it takes to get it.  I now realize how important it is to be able to have the skill to be able to not dwell on things that are painful.  My experience shows that even if we don’t naturally have the skill, it can be developed.

Being in the moment

I had a significant loss yesterday.  Chispa, my beloved friend and companion for several years, was staying at her country home.  Frightened by the noise, she ran off in the thunderstorm and got lost.  Nightfall came and I think she was taken by a pack of coyotes.  Here she is the day before playing with the cat.  It is a precious clip and I am thankful to my friend for taking it.

I am feeling a little lost myself today.  Many thoughts and feelings disturbing my peace of mind.  I remind myself that such mental afflictions can only arise if I am focused on a misbelief.  This is an opportunity to root out more of them, but somehow I do not have the strength.

Instead, I am practicing being in the moment.  My deep tears and anguish come when I am not in the moment.  My mind drifts to the past to figure out how to change this moment.  Complete lunacy, but that is what we do.  Sometimes it wants to deny my inner knowing that she is dead.  I continually push aside the thoughts and the story.  I allow my feelings, but am aware that I can only experience grief when I hold the illusion of loss.  This human condition is indeed strange.

What’s right about this that I am not getting?