I had a significant loss yesterday. Chispa, my beloved friend and companion for several years, was staying at her country home. Frightened by the noise, she ran off in the thunderstorm and got lost. Nightfall came and I think she was taken by a pack of coyotes. Here she is the day before playing with the cat. It is a precious clip and I am thankful to my friend for taking it.
I am feeling a little lost myself today. Many thoughts and feelings disturbing my peace of mind. I remind myself that such mental afflictions can only arise if I am focused on a misbelief. This is an opportunity to root out more of them, but somehow I do not have the strength.
Instead, I am practicing being in the moment. My deep tears and anguish come when I am not in the moment. My mind drifts to the past to figure out how to change this moment. Complete lunacy, but that is what we do. Sometimes it wants to deny my inner knowing that she is dead. I continually push aside the thoughts and the story. I allow my feelings, but am aware that I can only experience grief when I hold the illusion of loss. This human condition is indeed strange.
What’s right about this that I am not getting?