Purification Practice

Posted on October 27, 2021 by Dorena

I have recently been searching for a spiritual practice that will give me more traction. Over the past few years my faith has wavered as another level of “stuff” is arising to be cleared. Unfortunately, this “stuff” is slippery and I can’t quite get a handle on it, leaving me feeling discouraged and unsure what to do.

In response to this situation, I have gone back to the basics of Buddhist practice: purification practice. These are tried and true traditional practices that people I respect say work in clearing obstacles and preparing one for more advanced practice. I started in March by committing to 100,000 mandala offerings. I estimated this would take me about 600 hours to complete. I decided to do half the offerings traditionally and the other half in the form or mandala art to give away. (See picture of mandala art to the right.) At the rate I’m going, it will take about 4 years to complete.

More recently I started 50,000 prostrations. I have wanted to do these many years ago when I learned that Je Tsongkapa undertook over a million of them during his long retreat. When he started his retreat he had to rely on oracles and people with psychic ability to answer his questions, but by the end of the retreat he was able to be in direct contact with Manjushri and had visions to each of the enlightened beings he had dedicated 100,000 prostrations to. Unfortunately, when I tried to do prostrations years ago, it was a great strain on my body and pulled at my back. However, I am now pleased that I have enough physical healing to allow me to do them without any strain. Anyway, I am making good progress and expect to complete my prostrations in 2039 or sooner.

The one thing I’ve noticed is that days of good solid practice are followed by days of inertia. I think what happens is that stuff comes up and then I require rest as it clears. Once it clears, I am energized again and practice more. I know that Chi Gung will clear things faster for me, but even that sometimes can be a struggle to get to.

In September, I underwent a shamanistic plant ceremony that really awoke me to how stuck I was. After the ceremony, I reached out to a variety of healers to get additional support in clearing blockages and unifying aspects of self. I found that the additional help seemed to keep things moving. I noticed differences in my ability to breath more deeply and have more connection to my body in general from the extra work.

I think one of the more difficult aspects of my journey is having the sense of where I am. I know I am lower capacity, but still am not sure about how to proceed given that knowledge. I look forward to a future where I can help others progress to enlightenment with specific advice that matches their level of ability. Ahhh, the benefits of siddhis and the enlightened mind.

Is This Blocking You From Wealth?

Posted on July 28, 2017 by Dorena

I have recently invested in a new camera in order to get special effects on the videos I am producing for DorenaRode.com and my YouTube channels. I have been using my partner’s tripod since my own broke and now I was in the market for a second one. I wanted to be able to film from two angles.

I went on Amazon and started shopping. My last tripod cost me $20 and, since it broke, I was looking for something more substantial. There were lots of options in the $50-$70 range. I decided, I might as well get the same type as my partner. It worked well enough. I put the brand name, Gitzo, into the Amazon search and was presented with a series of tripods ranging from $770 to $1000.

I was shocked! And that was just for the tripod. Add another $400 for the fancy ball head. I found it hard to believe. But what happened next was even more interesting.

I could feel myself pulled into the past. I had been treating this tripod as nothing special. To me it was just a $50-$100 tripod. I could feel a pull in my stomach as I realized that the tripod was actually worth more like $1200. I started worrying about how I had treated it in the past. Part of my mind was trying to figure out all the times I’d left it at risk during my book tour, alone in a Barnes and Noble store or next to the car while I loaded. I was worried that maybe I had tweeked the legs or ball head too roughly while setting up. I could have broken it without knowing!

I like to study my mind, and this type of reaction is fascinating to me. I was actually worried about the past based on getting one new piece of information. How bizarre! That is how the mind works. And, now that I knew the value of the tripod, I was actually worried about losing it. Indeed, I am going against my instincts and gut reaction to tell you I own a tripod that is worth $1200. I am scared of your judgments and I am scared that once the word gets out, someone will come to steal it.

Hahahaha

All this comes from the subconscious. I was giving a dramatic illustration of my attachment to things. How does this block me from wealth? Well, in order to avoid the pain of having something stolen or coveted I might avoid owning anything of value. This would not be a conscious decision. I might subconsciously block anything that might create personal wealth to protect me from the loss of things I own.

This is how the subconscious limits us. We consciously desire more, but simultaneously we block wealth because we have subconscious beliefs such as these:

People will take what I have earned or what I own
I will be killed or hurt by people so they can get what I own
It is wrong to have wealth when others have less
I have to give away my wealth
I have to watch my stuff or it will be taken from me
It is not safe to be wealthy
I am responsible for my possessions
My possessions are a burden
Wealthy people have false friends
If I am wealthy my friends will leave me

Fear and Greed

Posted on July 4, 2017 by Dorena

My partner doesn’t say too much too often, so when he does I pay attention. On June 28th, he flatly stated that the stock market is ruled by two emotions: fear and greed. He suggested I get a book on how to do day trading, because he suspected that it would provide insight into the process. “Successful day trading,” he went on, “depends on being able to act contrary to instincts in order to temper the impulses of fear and greed.”

I got it. Sometimes it would mean selling when I wanted more and other times it would mean holding when I feared the price would drop or selling when I worried it might be going up.

Two days before, a billionaire announced how he put 10% of his worth into cryptocurrency last year. Then sold most of his Ethereum when it peaked around $400, still retaining 10% of his worth in cryptocurrency. He projected it would continue to drop and suggested that it might be worthwhile buying Ethereum when it hit $150 and $200.

I had been watching a slowly falling Ethereum trend, when I read this news. Ethereum had steadily moved from $308 that day down to $285. I had actually googled the news because I was wondering what was up. Immediately, I envisioned a drop like we had a few days prior when someone falsely spread a rumor that the founder of Ethereum had died.

I totally expected Ethereum to rapidly drop to $250 in response to this new, bad news. I decided to sell with the plan on buying again when it was at $250. This idea was just some conclusion my mind came up with. There was no emotional charge of fear or greed really. I was being logical. Almost automatically, I sold 50 of my Ethereum coins.

Immediately the price began to rise and I was immediately thrown into fear. What had I done?! Perhaps I was being logical and unemotional, but my reasoning was based on an assumption that bad news would spike a sell off. Perhaps this does have some basis, but I had not even really thought it through. I was filled with regret. I had not really thought it through and analyzed the trends.

At the same time, I considered buying more Ethereum! When I looked at the trend, it appeared that the coin’s value was moving up. I had sold my long term investment stash, but I was poised to buy with my day trading account. I felt so confused. Could it be a good time to buy and to sell? Yes, actually it could be. At that moment, I was expecting a drop that might take a day. On the other hand, right at that moment was a surge upwards that might last 30 minutes or a couple hours. Tempted to buy right after I sold, I decided that I didn’t want to watch the ticker all night for the right time to unload.

I woke up the next morning and the Ethereum price was still high. Feeling emotional, I put in a buy order at the price I sold the night before. I was hoping the coin price would drop back down. I just wanted to get the coin back and would be happy to get it for the same price I sold at. That would be like making that rash decision go away.

Around noon, it dropped back down to $285 and my buy order was processed. I was happy, because it was what I wanted. But in retrospect, my mind was still in the past. One of the challenges with day trading was staying in the present. I was learning this as I went. Even as I was buying again, I was thinking about how I really should be selling. Or actually, I was thinking how I really should have sold more when it hit the $290’s again, since, after my fear had worn off, I had a sense it was going to go down. Maybe in spits and jerks, but I expected it to reach $250 for sure.