Tag Archives: obstacles

Craving and Medical School

Posted on by
Reply

In Buddhism, craving is considered one of the defining points of the realm we exist in. It is the craving for good things to happen and the craving for bad things not to happen that create this reality. My meditation teacher, Master Culadasa, explained to me that it wasn’t the objects of craving that were the issue it was that fact that we are addicted to the feeling of craving itself. Which supports what other teachers have told me. That once we obtain the object of craving we are quickly dissatisfied again.

Somehow this relates to what occurred for me in December. For a moment I got bored and then depressed. Looking forward at my life, I realized that spending the next 60 years doing art and gardening just wasn’t going to satisfy me. I quickly had the thought that although I had lots of projects to do I needed “a marathon” to get me inspired again. Within a couple of days of holding that thought, I was given my marathon: The MCAT. That’s the Medical College Admissions Test the first step to applying to Medical School and becoming a doctor. That would surely keep me entertained for a while.

Starting out I had no idea of what I was getting myself into. The test is seven hours long divided into four sections. The four sections cover a year of college chemistry, a year of college physics, a year of organic chemistry, a year of biology, and courses of biochemistry, sociology and psychology. Basically a timed, closed book, comprehensive exam on topics I learned 40 years ago. It took me six weeks of study to even figure out how I needed to study for the exam. It boiled down to memorization and repetitive drills.

The more I studied the worse I felt. I never did get physics and it challenged me. I kept drilling, but I was beginning to sense that some of the material I was learning was at a depth I didn’t need. I didn’t feel prepared, but I felt like I needed to do a practice exam. Taking a practice exam was no small feat. It required seven hours. Finally, on February 16th I took the first official practice exam. I was very nervous. I wasn’t sure I could keep my brain going for the that long, and I decided on chocolate as a CNS stimulant.

I was a little jittery, but I survived. The score came in and I was surprised: 90th percentile. I consulted Grok, “Was this an easy exam?” He told me it was considered easy. Okay, that must have been a fluke. I tested again the next week (with less chocolate) and got an identical score. Grok, told me that was an easy exam too. I then tested on the “hard” exam he suggested, practice exam #6 – same score.

I put myself on the wait list for the next official test date, and was able to get a spot. (Thanks to insomnia that woke me up at 3am right when someone cancelled.) I studied for three more weeks. And, anticlimactically, took the test on March 20th. I felt the same level of yuk as I did the first three times, so I anticipate a similar score. I’m not used to taking a test and being so clueless on so many questions. It’s also a little depressing to have to wait until April 21st for the results.

What I noticed about the MCAT study period is that I had no trouble motivating to study four to eight a day for months. This flabbergasted me. I have been desiring to learn Spanish my entire life, but have never seemed to motivate to do it. Also, imagine what 2 hours of daily Chi Gung practice would do for me! Another bucket list item I can’t seem to motivate to do. Yet, the MCAT was effortless. What is up with that?

First, I know that I am personally motivated by external rewards and certificates. And the second was that I knew I could do well. I knew it would take effort, but I knew I could accomplish my target. With Spanish, I have an old belief that I can’t really learn a language. That I just don’t have that ability. With Chi Gung, I think there may have a similar underlying attitude. That I don’t really know what I’m doing or that I could never cultivate the power that masters have.

I took the momentum from all that MCAT study and turned it on Spanish. I am telling myself that if I just put in the time, like I did for the MCAT, I’ll be able to speak Spanish. I’m dedicating an hour of each day to study. It’s been about two weeks and about time to find additional motivation. I was surprised how Grok was able to give me ideas on how to stay motivated.

As for Chi Gung, I’ve been busy with the spring farm chores. Things are settling down now. My first step will be to find my why and what. And then cultivate a belief that I can do it. Third step will be coming up with those actionable steps. It’s all about leveraging craving and desire.

Doubt and Motivation

Posted on by
1

If I offered you $100 or $200 which would you take?

$200 of course.  But studies indicate that some people actually prefer the $100.  A friend of mine does research in behavioral marketing.  One of her recent studies explored the interaction between size of reward and time from reward and how that influenced people’s choices.

Yes, people will take the $200 if it is a simple choice between $200 and $100, but if they are offered a choice between $100 now or $200 at a later date, their decision is influenced by how long they have to wait to receive the $200.  They might go for the $200 if it is next week, but if it is next year they most often opt for the $100 now.

This phenomena also explains why people engage in addictive behaviors and do not eat or exercise in ways that support their long term health.  I’ve discussed this before in an earlier post:  How drug addiction is like heart disease.  We tend to value short term rewards over larger and more valuable long term rewards.  This is seen on all levels of human activity from environmental policy where short term profits are valued over the long term cost of pollution to healthy activities where the comfort of an alternative activity (e.g. watching TV, sleeping in) is valued over the beneficial activity (going for a walk, meditating).

This willingness to sell ourselves short is really due to two things:  1) doubt that the distant reward will manifest as planned and 2) lack of motivation.  These are two of the classic obstacles to spiritual development or adopting and maintaining any healthy behavior.  Doubt is the one to tackle first, since lack of motivation can actually be a manifestation of doubt.

If we doubt that an activity will benefit us, we will naturally have low motivation to engage in that activity.  If part of us knows that the activity is our best choice, but other parts are lagging behind, then our first goal will be to dispel any last vestiges of doubt.  The best way to do so is to thoroughly investigate the activity.  We can do this investigation by using the internet, talking with authorities, or by finding out from others if the activity has benefited them.

If we cannot decide if the new activity will really give us the results we want, sometimes it is helpful to compare and contrast our current activities to the proposed one.  Then the question is which one would benefit us the most.  Once all doubt is gone, motivation may naturally arise.  Certainly this type of investigation activates motivation.

If motivation is still lagging, then the key is to put oneself in a environment where the activity is the norm.  If you want to give up TV and start walking more, then hanging out with TV watchers will naturally demotivate you, while having friends that walk a lot will inspire you.

Reviewing your reasons for undertaking the change is also a good way to stay motivated.  In addition, it is useful to spend time affirming your goals and staying cognizant of what behavior contributes to positive growth and what behavior doesn’t.  The time to do this is well before you start struggling with motivation.  Prevention is the best way to stay motivated.

V for Vendetta

Posted on by
Reply

V for Vendetta portrays an aspect of spiritual v for vendetta movie coverdevelopment that is frequently overlooked and rarely embraced.  In many traditions, both Hindu and Buddhist, there are fierce deities that perform the job of removing obstacles.  Two such fierce babes are Kali and Ekajati (Blue Tara).  Some of the many obstacles that these two remove are complacency and deep seated fears and addiction.

If that little bit of wine you take at dinner every once in awhile keeps you comfortable and not growing spiritually, then they can create circumstances that turns that into a devastating addiction.  Or if your great job and comfy home has lulled you into inaction, Kali or Ekajati will be glad to take that job away for you.

In V for Vendetta Natalie Portman, our lead star, has suffered from anxiety most of her life, probably due, in part, to losses she experienced as a child.  Then through torture and trial she overcomes the greatest fear (fear of death) and becomes free.  It might have been thought she did not have what it would take to withstand her circumstances and stay in integrity, but she did.  And through her strength of will she tapped into an even stronger and more eternal sense of self.

It is when we lose attachment to things and then finally ourselves that we achieve true freedom.  As long as we are acting from fear of any sort we are chained.  As my favorite quote of the week says:

…swept along on four fierce river currents, chained up tight in past deeds, hard to undo, stuffed in a steel cage of grasping self, smothered in the pitch-black ignorance.

 Je Tsongkapa (Three Principle Paths)

Natalie’s liberation came because of a choice she made.  Eventually, due to that choice, and the actions that followed she was able to realize a cessation of fear.  This absence of fear (a major mental affliction for many of is) means that she actually realized a greater truth about who she is.

Your purchase through the above link helps support the work of TESLI.  Thanks!