The Power of Secrets

Once I heard Chogyal Namkhai Norbu tell a story of a man with a horrible debilitating illness.  The man went to a spiritual teacher and asked for help.  The teacher listened to the man tell about his problem and then told him he had a secret practice that would correct it completely.  He told him it was too secret to teach in the city.  They would have to go to an isolated mountain.  They scheduled a time for the next week to go.

When the day arrived, they went through a forest and climbed a mountain until they came to an open space.  The clearing was far away from any civilization and they had not seen anyone in hours.  Still, the teacher instructed the man to go through the surrounding forest and make sure no one was around.  Then the teacher whispered the secret practice in the man’s ear.  He gave him the mantra “om mani padme hum”.  Om mani padme hum mantra from Wikipedia

The man was surprised.  Although, mantra literally means secret words, this was a well know mantra in his country.  People wrote it on banners and rocks, inscribed it into jewelry, and recited it commonly.  He was momentarily confused, but considering the seriousness of the teacher and the effort he had gone to, he chose to treat this practice as a wish-fulfilling jewel.

He began to practice diligently with the mantra.  He guarded his practice with the utmost secrecy.  It wasn’t long before he noticed results.  His illness was indeed completely cured and as he continued to practice he realized even more precious results.

I have been contemplating the idea and value of secret practices for at least a year now.  I was taught that secret practices are not only secret because people don’t tell them to just anybody, but they are secret because if a common person happens upon them, they would just dismiss them as worthless.  Indeed, one of the cautions of sharing a sacred practice with someone that cannot see the value in it is that they will “damage” the practice and hurt themselves by disregarding its value.

What if, our teacher in the story had simply told the man that he should repeat “om mani padme hum” a bizzilion times?  He most probably would have walked away feeling “blown off”  and thinking, “That ole’ mantra is not enough to cure me of my illness.  Everybody knows it.”   Instead, due to the empowerment, the potency of the mantra came through and helped him.

I am appreciative that many secret practices are becoming public these days.  I have two books written by Padmasambhava that state they are sealed (meaning secret).  Yet, I was able to purchase these from Amazon. And, did you know, that yoga is a secret teaching in Tibet. It is only taught to select people after decades of study?

I have always felt that the idea of “secret” is just a useless construct.  All information should be freely available.  However, I am questioning that now.  I do a Taoist practice that has helped me profoundly.  It was not taught to me as secret, but after sharing the practice with a few people I began to think it should be secret.  It is a value thing.  If I share a practice with someone that can completely change their life, it impacts me when they disregard it.  Or perhaps the issue is really that when I freely give away what is valuable I am the one devaluing it and devaluing myself.

More food for thought.

The issue is discernment.  Am I able to acknowledge and work with the power of the mind?  I am reminded of the chapter, Social Skills, in Deconditioning Ground which deals with the same issue of working with what is instead of denying it or pretending it isn’t so.  People do value things more if they have to spend money for it or exert effort to get it.  While I appreciate things that are given to me for free, many people will get more value if they have to pay for the same things.

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Speed Dating – After

speeddate1Speed dating was fun. Although I have to admit it did leave my head swirling:  Fourteen guys, eight minutes each – no break in between.  The pace was too fast for me to learn if my body thought any of them would be nice to hang around with.  I wanted to spend a little time sitting quietly and looking into their eyes, but no time for that.

Outcome?  My mind is interested in spending more time with six of the dates.  Now I wait to see if anyone is interested in a second date with me.  I wouldn’t be too surprised if I strike out since, truth be known, the event was for ages 32 to 49 and I am a couple of years out of that range.

How good were my matches?  Well, I was quite surprised to learn that one person had just finished a ten day Vipassana retreat and another spends about two hours a day with meditation and pranayama.  There was also a guy that owns a martial arts studio and another was a mental health counselor.  Hey, maybe I am mainstream after all.  Plenty of matches.

Can hardly wait for the next one.  September 12.  This time I’m in the age range legitimately:  42 to 59.

PS:  Three matches have indicated interest in a second date!

Speed Dating – Before

Tonight I plan to attend my first speed dating event.  As I mentioned in Deconditioning Ground, I started using social networking sites like Meet-Up to expand my contacts with potential partners.  I first bumped into speed dating on such a networking site.  However, at the time, I was working on the nights the events were held.

Since I left my spa position in May, I am now free to explore the world of speed dating.  It is interesting to note that I am no longer that interested in finding a relationship.  So why speed dating?  Well, I am curious about who I am now.  My primary objective is to observe my reactions and to see if I can connect with people as they are.  I am truly interested in experiencing different people.  Kind of like going to the zoo.

I have always been weird.  Indeed, in the past when I was looking for a match, I could not have imagined finding someone that would be like me and my culture at a professional speed dating event.  And now, I’ve gotten so weird that I suspect I may have outgrown even the idea of conventional relationships.

I am curious about the separation I’ve created by labeling myself “weird”.  In my weirdness I’ve made a lot of “normal” people uninteresting and undesirable.  These are both judgments.  They also feel very comfortable.  I simply avoid spending time with “regular” people.  Of course, now that I am really weird, that includes most everybody.

As I mentioned in the book, I am really focusing on finding out what is beyond judgment.  I am curious what I will discover about myself if I put myself in a situation where I am asked to judge someone during a five minute date.  How can I decide if I like them enough to be willing to do a second date?  What would my criteria be?  If I am living without focusing on an outcome what would my criteria be?  How about:

  • Would it be fun?
  • Does my body want to be touched by this person?
  • Would it be nurturing?
  • Would it be interesting?
  • Do I get a “yes” for no particular reason?

 

What other preparation have I done for the event?
I’ve been reading all the articles on speed dating:  what to wear, what not to wear, what to do, what not to do, what questions to ask, what questions not to ask.  I have exchanged pictures and texts with my “fashion consultant”: Really, that much cleavage is okay?  Can I wear the red heels or would the black be better?  Pants or a skirt?  Nylons?

The preparation is great fun. I’m all set and ready to go. Black top that a woman in Denmark loaned me for salsa dancing and then insisted I take it home with me.  Black skirt, and red heels.  That’s it for the clothes.  Pretty simple.  Although, I am wondering where I “hid” all the jewelry I never wear.  Some earrings might be nice.  Perhaps, they will still show up….

Stay tuned for the follow up report.