Speed Dating – Before

Tonight I plan to attend my first speed dating event.  As I mentioned in Deconditioning Ground, I started using social networking sites like Meet-Up to expand my contacts with potential partners.  I first bumped into speed dating on such a networking site.  However, at the time, I was working on the nights the events were held.

Since I left my spa position in May, I am now free to explore the world of speed dating.  It is interesting to note that I am no longer that interested in finding a relationship.  So why speed dating?  Well, I am curious about who I am now.  My primary objective is to observe my reactions and to see if I can connect with people as they are.  I am truly interested in experiencing different people.  Kind of like going to the zoo.

I have always been weird.  Indeed, in the past when I was looking for a match, I could not have imagined finding someone that would be like me and my culture at a professional speed dating event.  And now, I’ve gotten so weird that I suspect I may have outgrown even the idea of conventional relationships.

I am curious about the separation I’ve created by labeling myself “weird”.  In my weirdness I’ve made a lot of “normal” people uninteresting and undesirable.  These are both judgments.  They also feel very comfortable.  I simply avoid spending time with “regular” people.  Of course, now that I am really weird, that includes most everybody.

As I mentioned in the book, I am really focusing on finding out what is beyond judgment.  I am curious what I will discover about myself if I put myself in a situation where I am asked to judge someone during a five minute date.  How can I decide if I like them enough to be willing to do a second date?  What would my criteria be?  If I am living without focusing on an outcome what would my criteria be?  How about:

  • Would it be fun?
  • Does my body want to be touched by this person?
  • Would it be nurturing?
  • Would it be interesting?
  • Do I get a “yes” for no particular reason?


What other preparation have I done for the event?
I’ve been reading all the articles on speed dating:  what to wear, what not to wear, what to do, what not to do, what questions to ask, what questions not to ask.  I have exchanged pictures and texts with my “fashion consultant”: Really, that much cleavage is okay?  Can I wear the red heels or would the black be better?  Pants or a skirt?  Nylons?

The preparation is great fun. I’m all set and ready to go. Black top that a woman in Denmark loaned me for salsa dancing and then insisted I take it home with me.  Black skirt, and red heels.  That’s it for the clothes.  Pretty simple.  Although, I am wondering where I “hid” all the jewelry I never wear.  Some earrings might be nice.  Perhaps, they will still show up….

Stay tuned for the follow up report.


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