Monthly Archives: June 2015

Clearing Grief

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I came to peace quickly regarding Chispa’s death on Friday night.  Amongst all my musings was the question of how I could contribute to her transition.  In my study of Buddhism I learned that the state of mind at the time of death greatly influences what occurs next.  Suspecting that she was greatly terrified at the moment of her demise, I did not want that fear and confusion to define her next incarnation.

I knew that I needed to be calm and release my own fears and regrets.  Using meditative practices (I walked the nine-palace.) I was able to regain calm.  Then, moving into the Theta brain wave state, I reached out to her.  I lit a candle and played the chanting music I always used when the thunder and lightening came.  I was able to maintain my calm and I believe that was important to her journey.

Saturday morning I awoke calm, but moved back into deep sorrow.  My post on Saturday reflected this reawakening of grief.  Saturday, my nine palace walking did not bring me relief.  Finally, I sat down to just be.  I thought I might never get up and certainly could not do anything but be in sorrow all day.  I had a feeling that the emotions that I was feeling were not mine, but were arising due to the concern and sorrow of my friends.  I tried the Access Consciousness trick of “return to sender”.  It did not bring me any relief.

Then, I used a Access Consciousness Body Process (Trifold Sequencing Systems) on myself that I had used before with people stuck in trauma and or the bereavement process.  This process works to reset anything that is stuck looping.  In my case, I felt that the grief was just looping around. Within seconds of commanding the process to run, all that “stuff” was gone.  A couple minutes went by before I realized what had happened.  Then I got up, went outside and planted sunflowers and corn.

Being in the moment

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I had a significant loss yesterday.  Chispa, my beloved friend and companion for several years, was staying at her country home.  Frightened by the noise, she ran off in the thunderstorm and got lost.  Nightfall came and I think she was taken by a pack of coyotes.  Here she is the day before playing with the cat.  It is a precious clip and I am thankful to my friend for taking it.

I am feeling a little lost myself today.  Many thoughts and feelings disturbing my peace of mind.  I remind myself that such mental afflictions can only arise if I am focused on a misbelief.  This is an opportunity to root out more of them, but somehow I do not have the strength.

Instead, I am practicing being in the moment.  My deep tears and anguish come when I am not in the moment.  My mind drifts to the past to figure out how to change this moment.  Complete lunacy, but that is what we do.  Sometimes it wants to deny my inner knowing that she is dead.  I continually push aside the thoughts and the story.  I allow my feelings, but am aware that I can only experience grief when I hold the illusion of loss.  This human condition is indeed strange.

What’s right about this that I am not getting?

 

GPS

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I had an opportunity to use my phone’s navigation services for the first time during my trip to the Bay Area.  I have always avoided using it, since I am not too keen on turning on my GPS and letting letting all my applilcations know my location.  I think the part I liked about it most was that if I disagreed with the directions I could just go the way I wanted and it would “reroute” me.

It hit me, during a close call at missing a turn (really, that is how far 50ft is!?), how incredible the way it would recaluculate the directions was.  This is a true contribution to world peace.  The phone was completely non-judgmental.  It would never waste time on criticism of missing a turn. And since I knew it would always get me back on track, I was relieved of all tension regarding getting lost.  I could deviate as much as possible and the GPS would simply reroute me back to my stated destination.  No more remorse.  No more panic.

Bandstand at the Park at Lake Merritt

Bandstand at the Park at Lake Merritt – 2015

This morning while I did my morning practice on the bandstand at Lake Merritt I wondered about my next move in this game of life. On Sunday someone mentioned the idea of pivotal life decisions, like my decision to run away from home and drop out of high school when I was 15 years old.  She pondered on what our lives would be like if we had not made certain pivotal decisions.

I wondered if there might actually be a master GPS involved.  Perhaps when we are born we punch in our destinations and then away we go.  Then it is only an illusion that certain decisions are pivotal.  If one of my destinations was California and I decided not to leave Michigan when I was 15 then I might have been given another opportunity to do so at 16 or 18 or 26 years old.

In my desire for enlightenment I have both been encouraged and worried by this idea. First, I am encouraged that no matter what turn I take, the master GPS can reroute me to my final destination from my detour.  However, I am also worried because I’m not sure I put enlightenment in the GPS.  I run into so many people that claim satisfaction with things as they are and are not really interested in enlightenment.  I used to be in this group, so maybe enlightenment is not in my GPS.

Time to reprogram.