I have been wrestling with the best way to describe my current experiences.  For instance, when I am walking the nine palaces and I focus on the bubbling spring point at the bottom of my foot I have the immediate experience of something within the core of my being that is hard to describe.  Is it pain?  If so then what is hurting?  Is it an intense feeling of energy?  Yes and no.  It is both painful and intense, yet neither of these words describes it perfectly.

Kidney 1 point at sole of foot

Kidney 1 point at sole of foot. Also known as bubbling spring. This is where earth’s energy enters and flows up the central column.

I spent some time yesterday playing with the experience.  When I stop for a moment and drop my awareness into my body I feel constriction that slowly releases.  The process feels painful/intense.  After the release, what remains feels painful and it takes my complete awareness to stay with it and keep open.  As I observe it, I realize my initial definition of pain is not quite right.  However, when I label it intense, that doesn’t seem quite right either.

I’ve decided the best way to describe my internal experience is using the term contracture.  Contracture, technically, is the shortening of muscles and tendons, after being held in a shortened position for long periods of time.  I have experienced temporary contracture for years.  When I squat down and bend over to weed a section of garden, I find my muscles get stuck in that position and it takes a few seconds for them to release when I return to a standing position.  At first I can only hunch over when I stand up, but slowly I am able to straighten up.  There is some pain/discomfort associated with the release, but the feelings are only temporary. (This is no longer as much of an issue since I started using an infared heating pad.)

A simple way of thinking about contracture is that it is getting stuck in a certain position because of prolonged holding.  I use this term here to refer to our habitual ways of thinking and living.  Releasing a contracture results in short-term discomfort followed by greater freedom, choice and possibility,  This best describes my internal experience as well.  When I bring my attention back to my body, the constriction, that I have been unconsciously doing, releases with a moment of discomfort.  However, the “pain” or “intensity” that led to my contraction still remains and it takes conscious effort not to clamp down again.

Anyone that has been in intense pain or chronic pain realizes that just maintaining normalcy can take a great deal of energy.  In addition, there is a tendency to want to escape from the pain or create distractions to diminish the experience of pain.  Given the level of “pain” my body is in, I am predictably more and more compulsive around food.  Food is my drug of choice and despite of how ineffective it is, I am drawn to it in an attempt to relieve my pain and discomfort.

My experience has been going on for a over a month now.  At first, I figured the underlying pain would pass in a few days and I would be restored to more inner peace.  Instead, the turmoil continues to rage within.  This inner turmoil has no face and seems to be beyond words.  Every time I try to go back to my normal activities it reasserts its demand on my attention by triggering my food addiction.  Still, it will not tell me its name, nor let me evict it from my being.





I’m in the hospital and the main doctor walks in and eight other doctors in white coats surround my hospital bed.  Ten minutes before I had almost choked to death because I was so weak.  I was 83 pounds.  I could hardly breath.  The doctor says to the other doctors, this young man has a 1% chance of living through the night.  All my family is in the room and they are crying.  And I said to myself at that moment, “Oh my gosh.  This was my worse fear.  I cannot believe I created this.”  The epiphany was this.  A split second after that I said to myself, “Wow, if I created this, then I could create my wildest dreams.”

–Seth Sinatra (The Grounded 2)

Just finished my most exciting ThetaHealing® Basic Course yet.  I certified three new amazing ThetaHealers.  The weekend was extraordinary!  One woman was in constant pain before the workshop – especially her feet which had been an issue for years.  With a healing and some belief work (done by her classmates – that’s how fast you learn) she was able to leave pain free.  I am truly blessed to witness beautiful and talented souls expand into their fullness and heal from the past.  My next course is in March 2015 or check out Lynne’s offerings at Desert Jewel Institute.October Theta Class

Suffering over Suffering

My experience with thought addiction came a couple months ago.  I had been wanting to write about it, but I was waiting for something more.  That something more showed up a couple nights ago.

I am in the process of looking for a new roommate and a couple of men that had just landed in our state from Ohio needed a room.  They weren’t what I was looking for, but I’ve had good experiences with very short term rentals so I offered them the room for a couple of days.  Everything was fine and then this massive fan showed up.  Jon said he had some nasal problem and the only thing that gave him relief was blowing air.  Sure, no problem.

But it was.  I am used to a quiet environment and that fan was very noisy.  It was like a jet engine.   I noticed my mind begin to become agitated as I thought of reasons it was a problem:  “I can’t relax with that constant noise”, “He doesn’t really need it”, “People that use fans are ______ (stupid, intolerant, disillusioned, weak, etc)”, “Fans make nasal conditions worse”, “I am an expert on fans”, “He needs nettles”.  The thoughts were unending.  I am a very intelligent and creative thinker and I can come up with all the angles on why the fan was unnecessary and bad.

At first I decided that the problem was really all in my mind.  Clearly, if my mind wasn’t reacting with aversion to the fan and craving for silence then I wouldn’t be having a problem at all.  I was able to get a hold of the thoughts arising and not engage with them. I know from experience that when you stop engaging with the thoughts and believing them then the subconscious figures out that the thoughts are not needed.  My agitation diminished.

I was then able to decide what I wanted to do.  With further investigation I realized that I really did have a “reaction” to the fan and the constant noise that was biologically true and not just a patterned mental response.  It did agitate me even without the additional thoughts.  Originally my house guests had requested to stay a week, but I decided that I couldn’t last that long.  I decided that four days would work for me.  This would honor both my desire to help them and my desire to respect my body.

As it turned out, I got even further relief when they kept their door close.  I had assumed they needed the door open to allow fresh air circulation.  That turned out not to be the case.  This reminds me of the importance of clearly expressing my problem and allowing other solutions to present themselves. Since I was able to tell them what I was struggling with, they were able to come up with a solution that partially remedied my problem.

My physical reaction to fan noise is my “suffering”.  The habitual thought patterns that arose from that suffering had the potential to induce a far greater suffering than the original reaction.  It is the habitual thought patterns that we have a choice over.  I’ve hear say that “pain is inevitable but suffering is optional”.  I used to be the worse at suffering over my suffering.  I wonder how my friends endured my endless complaints.  Having freedom from the optional suffering is refreshing.  I love my life now.

I also would be amiss to not point out that even the pain goes away as we progress on the path to enlightenment.  Long term, the pain is optional too.